Saturday, January 14, 2012

That Same Old Misery

07:04 PM

Dear Shawn,

They say that destiny works in mysterious ways but for me its never mysterious rather it's miserable. True - that silence is a girl's loudest cry. Everyday i have to face these ordeal, keeping it to my self hiding it from the rest of the world. Nobody knows what's life like for me. I keep hiding the hurt because i know people would never understand me. I'm hiding the hurt because i don't want to inflict them with my pain. But often time at night i would cry not because i can no longer carry the pain but because i am so tired to be strong... You may say i could end it with him if i wanted to. Believe me i tried and the more i try to ask him for my freedom the more he makes me suffer. It only reminds him of what i did to him. It's so unfair when he keep using the mistakes i made as an excuse to make me suffer. He would always refuse to see beyond the reason why i did that to him. You know the reason - i grew tired of his ways, i am so fed up of all his abuse. He don't hurt me physically but the mental and the emotional pain he gave me is so excruciating that i sometimes wish to kill myself to end it all. If that is the only way to pay him of what i did to him.

Tonight he is drunk... so drunk that he is already deaf. He won;t listen and I'm trembling because i know him. He would find every possible reason to cause trouble.. And i know my parents would hate me again for all the humiliation i'm giving them. Oh shawn.. i wish i could go somewhere.. Somewhere i could be alone. you know i always dream of that place. That place where i don'y have to be frightened, sad or feel humiliated..... If only i had the time machine. If only i could rewind or delete the chapter where i know him....

Your same old Misery


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