I am hiding in my room trying to hold back the tears. Today is a dragged for me. I didn't sleep well last night. The fear kept creeping in my body just like death trying to choke me slowly. A little noise makes me paranoid. I feel so nervous. Screams keep repeating inside my head,i feel like going i'm going crazy. And today as i'm hiding inside my room i am trying to think how i messed up my life. I have so much for me if only he'd leave me. I wanted to end this but i know it won't be easy.. I look myself in the mirror and i saw a face full of remorse and misery.
And today i fear he'll be here in a minute drunk again and he'll look for trouble again. I don't know if i can take another pain. Sometime i wanted to just pull a knife and slash my neck. I see death like the only way to regain serenity. i feel like living in hell on earth. Too many fears kept playing in my head. Fear of what he might do again. I keep wishing to GOd to answer my flea. Im so desperate. Do i really deserve this?
Tears would eventually fade and someday everything will be exactly how it's suppose to be. Someday ill wise up and he'll regret everything he did to me. I wanted him to feel the pain im feeling right now. the feeling to be consumed with fear.. I hate him shawn =(