Sunday, January 15, 2012
Dear Agony By Breaking Benjamin
This song is dedicated to the one who makes me suffer. I always call him agony. The lyrics are the same things that i wanted to tell him but he refuse to hear
Dear Agony lyrics
Songwriters: Burnley, Benjamin;
I have nothing left to give
I have found a perfect end
You were made to make it hurt
Disappear into the dirt
Carry me to heaven's arms
Light the way and let me go
Take the time to take my breath
I will end where I began
And I will find the enemy within
'Cause I can feel it crawl beneath my skin
Dear agony, just let go of me
Suffer slowly, is this the way it's got to be, dear agony?
Suddenly the lights go out
Let forever drag me down
I will fight for one last breath
I will fight until the end
And I will find the enemy within
'Cause I can feel it crawl beneath my skin
Dear agony, just let go of me
Suffer slowly, is this the way it's got to be?
Don't bury me, faceless enemy
I'm so sorry, is this the way it's got to be, dear agony?
Leave me alone, God, let me go
All blue and cold, black sky will burn
Love, pull me down, hate, lift me up
Just turn around, there's nothing left
Somewhere far beyond this world
I feel nothing anymore
Dear agony, just let go of me
Suffer slowly, is this the way it's got to be?
Don't bury me faceless enemy
I'm so sorry, is this the way it's got to be, Dear agony?
I feel nothing anymore
Tears would eventually fade
5:08 PM
I am hiding in my room trying to hold back the tears. Today is a dragged for me. I didn't sleep well last night. The fear kept creeping in my body just like death trying to choke me slowly. A little noise makes me paranoid. I feel so nervous. Screams keep repeating inside my head,i feel like going i'm going crazy. And today as i'm hiding inside my room i am trying to think how i messed up my life. I have so much for me if only he'd leave me. I wanted to end this but i know it won't be easy.. I look myself in the mirror and i saw a face full of remorse and misery.
And today i fear he'll be here in a minute drunk again and he'll look for trouble again. I don't know if i can take another pain. Sometime i wanted to just pull a knife and slash my neck. I see death like the only way to regain serenity. i feel like living in hell on earth. Too many fears kept playing in my head. Fear of what he might do again. I keep wishing to GOd to answer my flea. Im so desperate. Do i really deserve this?
Tears would eventually fade and someday everything will be exactly how it's suppose to be. Someday ill wise up and he'll regret everything he did to me. I wanted him to feel the pain im feeling right now. the feeling to be consumed with fear.. I hate him shawn =(
I am hiding in my room trying to hold back the tears. Today is a dragged for me. I didn't sleep well last night. The fear kept creeping in my body just like death trying to choke me slowly. A little noise makes me paranoid. I feel so nervous. Screams keep repeating inside my head,i feel like going i'm going crazy. And today as i'm hiding inside my room i am trying to think how i messed up my life. I have so much for me if only he'd leave me. I wanted to end this but i know it won't be easy.. I look myself in the mirror and i saw a face full of remorse and misery.
And today i fear he'll be here in a minute drunk again and he'll look for trouble again. I don't know if i can take another pain. Sometime i wanted to just pull a knife and slash my neck. I see death like the only way to regain serenity. i feel like living in hell on earth. Too many fears kept playing in my head. Fear of what he might do again. I keep wishing to GOd to answer my flea. Im so desperate. Do i really deserve this?
Tears would eventually fade and someday everything will be exactly how it's suppose to be. Someday ill wise up and he'll regret everything he did to me. I wanted him to feel the pain im feeling right now. the feeling to be consumed with fear.. I hate him shawn =(
Saturday, January 14, 2012
That Same Old Misery
07:04 PM
Dear Shawn,
They say that destiny works in mysterious ways but for me its never mysterious rather it's miserable. True - that silence is a girl's loudest cry. Everyday i have to face these ordeal, keeping it to my self hiding it from the rest of the world. Nobody knows what's life like for me. I keep hiding the hurt because i know people would never understand me. I'm hiding the hurt because i don't want to inflict them with my pain. But often time at night i would cry not because i can no longer carry the pain but because i am so tired to be strong... You may say i could end it with him if i wanted to. Believe me i tried and the more i try to ask him for my freedom the more he makes me suffer. It only reminds him of what i did to him. It's so unfair when he keep using the mistakes i made as an excuse to make me suffer. He would always refuse to see beyond the reason why i did that to him. You know the reason - i grew tired of his ways, i am so fed up of all his abuse. He don't hurt me physically but the mental and the emotional pain he gave me is so excruciating that i sometimes wish to kill myself to end it all. If that is the only way to pay him of what i did to him.
Tonight he is drunk... so drunk that he is already deaf. He won;t listen and I'm trembling because i know him. He would find every possible reason to cause trouble.. And i know my parents would hate me again for all the humiliation i'm giving them. Oh shawn.. i wish i could go somewhere.. Somewhere i could be alone. you know i always dream of that place. That place where i don'y have to be frightened, sad or feel humiliated..... If only i had the time machine. If only i could rewind or delete the chapter where i know him....
Your same old Misery
Soledad
Dear Shawn,
They say that destiny works in mysterious ways but for me its never mysterious rather it's miserable. True - that silence is a girl's loudest cry. Everyday i have to face these ordeal, keeping it to my self hiding it from the rest of the world. Nobody knows what's life like for me. I keep hiding the hurt because i know people would never understand me. I'm hiding the hurt because i don't want to inflict them with my pain. But often time at night i would cry not because i can no longer carry the pain but because i am so tired to be strong... You may say i could end it with him if i wanted to. Believe me i tried and the more i try to ask him for my freedom the more he makes me suffer. It only reminds him of what i did to him. It's so unfair when he keep using the mistakes i made as an excuse to make me suffer. He would always refuse to see beyond the reason why i did that to him. You know the reason - i grew tired of his ways, i am so fed up of all his abuse. He don't hurt me physically but the mental and the emotional pain he gave me is so excruciating that i sometimes wish to kill myself to end it all. If that is the only way to pay him of what i did to him.
Tonight he is drunk... so drunk that he is already deaf. He won;t listen and I'm trembling because i know him. He would find every possible reason to cause trouble.. And i know my parents would hate me again for all the humiliation i'm giving them. Oh shawn.. i wish i could go somewhere.. Somewhere i could be alone. you know i always dream of that place. That place where i don'y have to be frightened, sad or feel humiliated..... If only i had the time machine. If only i could rewind or delete the chapter where i know him....
Your same old Misery
Soledad
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
2012 a Drag
Dear Shawn,
Happy New year!!! But i can't consider mine as blissful.. Things are so fucked up! not what i expected for my 2012. Every 31st of Dec. i would wish while watching the fire works that the next year will be fulfilling, blissful so on and on. But, i guess it's just a dream. a fabrication of my stupid mind! =(( i hate everything Shawn.. everything just keep falling apart..But guess what people and a certain company ordered from my store. I always hope that this would be the birth of an empire i always dream. But =( i dunno. it scares me. I don't know if ill be able to achieve it? what do you think shawn? wish you are here.. I miss you truly miss you... =( i love you my shawn..
Happy New year!!! But i can't consider mine as blissful.. Things are so fucked up! not what i expected for my 2012. Every 31st of Dec. i would wish while watching the fire works that the next year will be fulfilling, blissful so on and on. But, i guess it's just a dream. a fabrication of my stupid mind! =(( i hate everything Shawn.. everything just keep falling apart..But guess what people and a certain company ordered from my store. I always hope that this would be the birth of an empire i always dream. But =( i dunno. it scares me. I don't know if ill be able to achieve it? what do you think shawn? wish you are here.. I miss you truly miss you... =( i love you my shawn..
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