Another Rainy Lonely Day

Dear Shawn,

I woke up tipsy... I'm off to work now. It's really winter and i feel cold. I hate him Shawn i really hate hi8m. He is really good in pissing me off. no matter how hard i try to ignore i still lose my composure. I just don't understand why he won't let me go. He knows i love you. He can't blame me for falling in love with you. He never give me enough reason to stay with him. I have loved him but he gave me nothing but miseries. I have stood for him, defended him for almost 6 yrs. now but what did he gave me in return? he gave me the biggest heartache in my life. All those years i have lived in despair. And i was glad that you came and consoled me. But he is just too selfish to give me my freedom. So many times i had wish i'd never knew him, never loved him. But then again i realized i became the person that i am now because of him. I became strong in every pain he gave me, in every suffering he caused me. He keeps saying he loves me. But why all the hurt? all the pain? all the suffering. I never found in him the loved you gave me. you have loved me for so many years and you never gave up even though i never loved you back all those years. But now, you're off to some land unknown to me. It made me long for you even more. Wish we had enough time when you're still here. I guess God has a better plan for both of us. I never lose hope and i hope you would feel the same. take care my love.

Forever,

Soledad

When You're Gone by The Cranberries

Dear Shawn,

Can't sleep tonight. I'm thinking of you.

Soledad

Jim Morrison Quote

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”

Dec. 07, 2011

Dear Shawn,

I should have started writing this blog before, But... (a long deep sigh) i dunno, it's just that i don't know how to start and when to start.  My brain is absolutely not working well..  Today is just one typical lonely boring  day, my mind is full of crazy thoughts, yet, still remain bland. I can recall way back before my childhood when life is full of fantasies --- =) its so easily.. I remember lying on my back in the grass watching the clouds drift by. I wanted to grasp the clouds, touch it, feel it's softness. Life is so easy way back then.  And oh, I remember wishing to see fairies and make friends with them... sigh....... but it's different now. I'am all grown up. I miss you, =( i just keep on wondering how you've been doing, i have been trying to contact you. but no luck at all. I just hope and pray that you're in good condition.t's killing me to know what you might be thinking. how i wish i could have told you everything before you left.... i hope tonight the stars will tell you how i really miss you... =(

Love,

Soledad